Are you searching for closure? It’s natural to want some explanation when a relationship ends, or you experience a similar loss. Social psychologists describe it as gaining the resolution necessary to take back control and move on.
It’s also becoming more elusive in recent years. The same technology that helps you find romance online makes it easier to break someone’s heart. Your dreamboat may say goodbye with a text or change their relationship status to single on Facebook without any warning.
Hopefully, your relationships will run more smoothly, but even cordial breakups can be upsetting. Find out more about closure, and how to achieve it.
Asking Others for Closure:
- Clarify your motives. Be honest with yourself. Are you trying to end your relationship constructively or hoping that you’ll get back together? Having realistic expectations could protect you from additional distress.
- Keep it simple. Dwelling on the past interferes with your future happiness. Cover the most important issues and then shift your attention to enjoying the rest of your life.
- Take responsibility. You might be tempted to blame your ex for your situation, but you’re still in charge of how you react. Acknowledge your own shortcomings and apologize if appropriate.
- Stay positive. What do you like about your ex and the time you spent together? Let them know if you’re thankful for their kindness. Try to forgive each other for any disappointments.
- Write a letter. Pouring your feelings out in writing may help, especially if you reflect on what you can learn from the experience. Reread the letter when you’re calm, so you can decide whether to send it or burn it.
- Meet for coffee. If you feel strong enough, you may prefer to talk face-to-face. Arrange a coffee date or a lunchtime walk, so you can make a quick exit without any awkwardness.
Creating Closure for Yourself:
- Slow down. Sometimes the desire for closure is so strong that you might jump to hasty conclusions about your ex and yourself. Give yourself time to sort through your memories and discover their meaning.
- Avoid contact. Maybe you’ll wind up being friends, but most couples need to distance when they first break up. Resist the urge to call your ex and stay off their social media pages. Put away photographs and other reminders lying around your home and office.
- Practice self-care. Protecting your physical and mental wellbeing will help you to make sound decisions. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Spend time each day hanging out with family and friends and doing activities you love.
- Start a journal. Recording your daily thoughts and activities can help you deal with stress too. You’ll be able to spot recurring patterns and see where you’re making progress. To stay on track, try writing at the same time each day, like first thing in the morning or before bed.
- Be flexible. Life is full of sudden changes. Learning to adapt increases your chances for success. Set new goals and let go of regrets. Cultivate your curiosity.
- Consider counseling. Talking with a therapist could help if you’ve tried to recover from your breakup, but you’re still struggling. A caring professional can help you see your options more objectively and support you while you navigate through a difficult time.
Remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It may take time and effort to heal from a past relationship, but you can attain closure with or without cooperation from your ex. The sooner you resolve your feelings, the sooner you’ll be ready to move on.